Quick Tip: Avoiding The Two Evil Twins

I have seen A LOT of different problems that humans face - and there are many different kinds - but without fail, the majority of them boil down to one or both of what I call "The Evil Twins" -
Boredom and Loneliness. 

 

People have an intrinsic need for stimulation and connection, and we just do not thrive when we are bored or lonely.  When either of these two conditions exist, the mind is left vacant and bad or weird thoughts start to creep in. 

Boredom and Loneliness seem to be epidemics in America, but I think that they are too often covered up with other names or fancier diagnoses.  Once you strip it down to basics though, almost any problem can be significantly improved by tending to these two basic needs. 
Here are some examples:

• Depression, Sadness, Hopelessness, Grief, etc. 
• These are the biggest ones.  Most people naturally isolate and become inactive when they are feeling down.  If you, instead, reach out to others, surround yourself with people, and get your mind on other, more pleasurable things, you WILL feel better.  Maybe not all the way, but at least significantly enough to function until the bad time passes.  Contrary to what a lot of us believe, sitting around ruminating on whatever has gone wrong will only make things worse.  You don't need "time" - you need to get yourself out there. 
• Anxiety 
•  Anxiousness and Nervousness are feelings based on anticipation - not the present reality.  Therefore, they are completely generated in our own mids, usually when we are not taking action.  Anxiety is a vicious cycle - people become fearful and then do nothing, causing more anxious thoughts to creep in and make them even more frozen.  The most anxious people that I have encountered are also the most bored.  If your mind is really engaged, you just don't have much time to worry. 
• Low Self-Esteem, Lack of Confidence, Body Issues
• These are also problems that happen in our minds when we are not fully stimulated by life or we are not surrounded by good support.  It's very hard to have low self-confidence if you have a lot of great friends and family and you are excited about things in your life. 
• Some body issues are real concerns, like being overweight or unhealthy, but again, this most often happens when we're not as social or active.  You are naturally more conscious of your physical state when you're around people a lot, it's easier to be healthy with support, and usually if you're not bored it means that you're up and moving in some way, rather than leading a sedentary lifestyle.  Also, eating has become a pastime in our country, so you won't do it as much if you're not looking for ways to fill your time.

Boredom and loneliness are also big factors in relationship problems:

• I have talked many times about the importance of keeping relationships fresh and active, and I think we all know well that the best way to feel connected to someone is to share activities. 
• However, your relationships will also be negatively affected if you are personally bored.  I have seen many marital problems that stem from one spouse having too much idle time on their hands and making problems bigger than they really are.  Or, you may become too emotionally needy if you are not engaged in your own individual interests.
• Likewise, relationships need other relationships to thrive, or you will be lonely within your limited connections: Don't just spend time with your kids - get involved with other kids and parents in a group or team.  Don't always just go out on dates by yourselves - do things with other couples to liven the conversation.
• Also, your closest relationships are healthiest when you also have outside individual friends.  It's very important to have "guy time" or "girl time" in addition to partner time, and you will be more present during family time when you also have mixed in friend time. 

When people are lying on their deathbed, they most often evaluate the success of their life by how much love has been in it and how much they've been able to experience.  This, to me, is the greatest evidence that boredom and loneliness are the two biggest obstacles to general life satisfaction.

So, make boredom and loneliness your enemies to stay healthy and happy.  Even when you face a problem that seems unrelated, first ask yourself honestly if you're really just bored and/or lonely, or if those things could at least be making the problem worse.