Quick Tip: Couple's Meeting

One of the tools I use with almost every couple in marriage counseling is the couple's meeting, and it has had great results no matter how troubled or successful a relationship already is.

The idea is simple:
Set aside time either once a week or more often, depending on your individual needs, to have an official meeting with your spouse. 
Topics should include your upcoming week's schedule, where you're at with finances, and any other looming issues that need to be discussed or big decisions that need to be made.  
The main idea is to make the setting very "official", just like a business meeting that you would have at work.  Turn off the TV and get rid of any distractions (including kids), sit down at a table with pen and paper and your calendar and checkbook, and get down to business.  Write down what you talk about so that there is no chance for miscommunication. 

Surprisingly, schedules and finances are two of the biggest sources of contention for couples, so couples that are organized and on the same page in these areas are generally much happier.  However, it's definitely a challenge to get two individuals working in sync on these difficult issues, so in order to be organized you need to take the challenge very seriously, which is why I suggest the business meeting format.

The couple's meeting also serves another important purpose:
For couples who have poor communication skills, this provides an easy to follow format to help get productive and positive conversation going with easier-to-talk-about subjects.
For couples with better communication skills already established, this helps provide a gentler and more success-oriented format for diving into harder-to-talk-about subjects. 

In addition, the most important result of having regular couple's meetings is setting goals and working on them together.  Couples are always happier when they're looking ahead and moving forward as a team.  

With our crazy lifestyle, it's nice to know that at least once a week you can sit down and regroup with your spouse and really be heard, rather than just trying to coordinate through whatever you can say in the 15 minutes between dinner and heading off to sports practice.  This can be especially useful during this holiday season, when we have multiple event invitations to sort through and gift budgets to decide on.  Give it a try and let me know how it goes!