Quick Tip: Being Fully Present - A Great Gift To Give

One thing we can all do to improve our relationships is to be more fully present with each other.  This is much easier said than done, but with our busy pace of life, it is something that we should all constantly work harder at.

Being fully present with each other means temporarily getting rid of distractions and turning our full attention towards the interaction with the other person, whether on the phone or face-to-face.  It also means being aware of our own state of mind, and letting the other person know if we are not in a place to be fully present for them.  Being present increases the quality of our interactions and makes us feel connected.

Do you find yourself...

• Doing other things while talking on the phone and missing some of the content of the conversation?
• Doing activities that should be fun but not really fully enjoying it because you have things on your mind?
• Frequently checking your phone for messages from other people while you're spending time with someone else?
• Half-listening to your children while you try to clean-up and get dinner ready?
• Trying to stay in touch with work while you take your kids to the park or go on a family vacation?
• Always looking forward to the next thing, and then realizing that you missed what you already had?
• Trying to multi-task at work but then getting bad customer service reviews?
• Constantly hearing from people, "you never listen to a word I say!" or "I already told you that twice"?
• Answering phone calls from people that you feel obligated to talk to, but then trying to get them off the phone as quickly as possible?

With cell phones, email, text messaging, internet social networking, and Skype, we are now able to have a higher QUANTITY of relationships than ever before, but the QUALITY of our relationships has dropped significantly.  By trying to focus on only one person at a time, we will feel more connected than by attempting to be in touch with our whole social network everyday.  Also, our relationships will be more successful if we give each one small periods of time when we're 100% present, rather than giving them 50% of our attention all the time.

Here are some tricks that have helped me:

• When you're on the phone, move to a place where there are no distractions.
• Move away from any screens - TV or computer
• If it's going to be a long conversation, only do things that you know won't distract you (don't require any thought)
• If you have things on your mind and are quiet or distracted, let the people around you know - "I'm sorry that I'm preoccupied right now.  I'm just thinking about my upcoming presentation and I'm probably going to be stressed out until it's over."
• Don't try to cram things in.
• If your friend wants to do lunch on a day that's really busy for you, rather than trying to meet quickly, reschedule for a day when you can sit down, relax and enjoy.
• Don't try to attend a wedding and a funeral in one day if you're going to leave one early and arrive at one late.  Choose the most important and be there the whole time.
• Before you go on an outing or vacation, get your working project to a place where you can not think about it for a while.
• If it means leaving an hour later to finish the cleaning project that you've been working on all afternoon, you will have less time together, but you will be fully present during that time and not anxious to get home to finish it. 
• Stop yourself from saying (or thinking) "Things will be better when..." 
• Enjoy what you have now - Sure it will be great when you have more money and can go to a fancy restaurant, but you can have just as much fun tonight at Pizza Hut, if you're fully present with the people around you.
• Learn to say "No".  To be fully present, it's impossible to say yes to everything - Sacrifice quantity for quality.
• It's hard to tell people No, but they will appreciate not counting on you and then getting a half-hearted effort.  Then, you can do something else for them later when you will be 100% present, and they will respect you even more.
• For big or small discussions, let the other person know if you're not hearing them.
• If someone starts to tell you something important and you're not in the mood to be a great listener, say "I know this is important and I really want to hear it, but I just got home and I need a few minutes to unwind first."
• If someone is telling you something not so serious but you know that you'll forget - "Let me get my calendar in front of me first or I'll never remember this!"  or "Ok, but tell me again when I can write it down."
• Use Caller ID - Don't answer someone's call unless you're in a place to talk to them.
• If it's your aunt who you know wants to spend an hour just catching up on family news, call her back when you can give her that hour, and don't do it everyday.
• There's no sense in answering the phone in a store or restaurant, just to say "let me call you back."  Just stay focused on what you're doing, let it go to voicemail, and then call back when you can be focused on the call.

You've heard it before - Slowing down and simplifying actually makes a richer, more fulfilling life.  Don't waste any more time being too busy.  Make today the day that you actually give it a try.