Quick Tip: Unplugging

You've probably heard this a million times already, but it still seems to be a huge problem in our modern society:  A sure way to make all the relationships in your life better is to cut down your screen time. 

Between TV, movies, computers, video games, and even cell phones, we all spend an awful lot of time looking at screens each day.  While these devices certainly make our lives better in many ways, we know for sure that they do not make us more connected to others.  Why?  Because anytime that you're doing something that involves looking at a screen, you're not having quality interactions with other people.  Even if you're playing a video game with your brother, watching a movie with the kids, or relaxing on the couch after work with your spouse watching your favorite show, while you might be having fun together, you're not able to talk, look each other in the eyes, listen, or be fully present.  Plus, you're inactive, and we know from studies that sharing active experiences together is most connecting. 

Cutting down screen time is always one of the first assignments that I give to people who come to see me for counseling.  It's always a little bit hard at first, they are always very surprised to realize how much time screens have had in their life up to now, and they are always pleased with the results. 

So, this is something that you can do on your own. 

• First, simply become aware of how much screen time you have each day. 
• Write down everytime that you find yourself looking at a screen, with the exception of your work computer, and add up the number of hours per week.   
• Next, choose the areas where you can cut down your screen time.

• Some screen time is good - unwinding for a few minutes after work, watching something that all your friends will be talking about, or playing a video game at home instead of a night out to save money.  Keep the things that do promote connectedness in moderation.

• The red flag is screen time that promotes isolation or is excessive - anything more than an hour or two, watching a show that you've already seen several times or playing a game that you're not really into just to pass time, surfing the internet without a real purpose, or everyone in the house looking at different screens (dad working on the computer, mom watching TV, and son playing a video game).  Get rid of those.  

• Be smart to set yourself up for success - there's no way that I'm going to skip American Idol, so I cut back on other shows.
• Finally, find things to replace it with. 
• If you're with other people, do something that is more conducive to good conversation. In particular, remember that going to a movie is the worst kind of date, even though it's the easiest. Whether you're trying to get to know someone or trying to keep romance in your marriage, going to a movie and not talking will accomplish nothing. At least go to dinner beforehand, where you can have some good talking time.
• If it's time when you're alone, do something that's more productive and will make you feel good about yourself - exercise, clean out that drawer that you've been neglecting for months, or read a good book.

Sometimes, we use screen time to hide from issues that we don't want to confront with people in our lives.  If you recognize that this is true for you, then your first challenge is to face that fear and get those things taken care of. 

I know 100% that once you reduce your screen time and replace it with other activities, your personal life and your relationships will be much richer, and you will certainly be much happier!