Thank You!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone had a peaceful day full of reflection on all that we have, even during these difficult times. 

Being a grateful person is mandatory for filling your life with successful relationships and getting what you want.  It's easy to thank people for the obvious things that they do for you or give you, but to truly reap all the benefits of "an attitude of gratitude," it's important to show thanks for the less obvious things, and to work on making your thank yous genuine and impactful.

I learned this one Thanksgiving as a teenager from a wise church teacher who suggested that we have something to be thankful for in EVERY person that we encounter in life.  This seemed a little dramatic to me, but I really began to think about it as a possibility.  A few days later, I got pulled over for speeding.  As the cop was writing my ticket, I decided to give my teacher's idea a try, and when he came back to the car and handed me the ticket, I said thank you with a smile.  Of course, this seemed very odd, as the usual reaction in this situation is to mutter cuss words under our breath and make our anger and frustration very visible.  However, by forcing myself to find gratitude in my heart for this policeman, I realized that I really am very grateful that he enforces the law to keep me and my community safe.  I was breaking the law, so why should I be upset that he did his job, when if someone else was breaking the law, I would count on him to do the very same thing to protect me?  So, my thank you was sincere, and I obtained a new, more positive perspective on life.  And, if I could do it in this situation, I could do it with anyone else.

I encourage everyone in their relationships to constantly be looking for new things to be thankful for, and repeatedly expressing thanks for the usual things.  I really cannot express enough how much this changes the dynamic of any relationship - from your spouse to the person who serves you at a restaurant.  Even if it seems silly or obvious, think how good it feels whenever you are thanked for your efforts, and how terrible it is when no one seems to notice.  I often hear this tragic line in therapy: "Well I shouldn't have to thank him - he needs to just do it anyway."  While this is true, you'll certainly see even better results if you do express thanks.

For example, my husband and I will frequently thank each other for working hard at our jobs.  Even though we would go to work anyway and we have an inherent knowledge that we are grateful to each other, there is no greater feeling in the world than walking in the house after a long day and being acknowledged and thanked.  This has become a great opportunity for us to show love.  Also, we try to thank each other frequently for the chores we do around the home - One can never be thanked too many times for taking out the trash or cleaning the toilet!

One of the simplest things to do is to try harder to vocalize any grateful thoughts that you have in your head.  I think that often we just neglect to say things that we do notice.  If a friend happened to call just when you were feeling lonely, let her know.  If someone gives you good service at a store, tell their manager or take the time to fill out the comment card.  If a coworker had a good idea that moved your project forward, be sure to tell them, even if it's after the fact.

Finally, make sure that your thank yous are really heard and felt by the other person - not just a casual "thanks" thrown out as you walk by, and definitely not the old "Thanks, but next time please be sure to also..."  Look them in the eye and be dramatic about it!  Everyone loves to have a big deal made out of a small act.

The more you work on expressing thanks, the more you will realize everyday how many great things you are truly surrounded by, and the less severe your problems will seem.  Every relationship in your life will naturally improve, and you will start getting what you want a lot more, because people will know that they will get thanked for it.